It's an emotional week for Laura after losing her Grandad. Understandably, weight loss is put to the back of her mind for a couple of days. Stay strong Laura!
So this week is a hard week to write about as my Grandad, who I had been caring for for 7 months, suddenly died while I was sleeping over and caring for him. It has had a huge impact on my emotions and life and a complete test of my emotional experience.
For the first couple of days I couldn’t/didn’t eat much as I felt sick. When I’m sad I either don’t eat, or I over eat - there is no happy medium. My husband ordered a Chinese as cooking wasn’t an option on this day and I ate the noodles fine, but where I was stress eating and eating fast without out realising, the rib I was eating got stuck - like really stuck. I was frothing at the mouth I couldn’t swallow even my saliva. I had to run to the toilet and spit it all up and I wretched till the chunk of meat came up. I burped so loudly it was instant relief. Needless to say I ate no more!
Later on in the week we went away on holiday and stayed in a caravan so we could prepare most of our meals. My emotions were very up and down but I had to put on a brave front for my children. We went swimming the 1st day then had a salad for tea. The walk to the evening entertainment was a nice long walk so my activity was going to increase. On our second day away we went to a steam festival. They only had fast food trucks so I spotted a hog roast and got the meat no bun. I mustn’t realise how stressed I am, as I just eat fast and not chew! It’s like I panic/stress and not actively take note of what I’m doing (not adhering to anything the nurse had told me). The meat got stuck after just a few bites and I passed it to my husband to eat. It’s really is an awful feeling that I don’t know why I don’t learn! Day three we took a picnic to a kite festival so I had a salad and was more aware of how I ate and it was fine.
When I got home, my mum came to stay the rest of the week. It was hard as we spoke about my Grandad and our grief. I opted out of eating bread or rolls that they made, and had salad to be safe. The evening I shared some chocolate with my mum. I’ve not eaten much at all and I haven actually missed it. I ate some nuts too but couldn’t eat too many if those. I haven’t wronged myself as I've not been on the scales, but I don’t feel much change. I feel very bloated but I am so stressed out and emotional, it’s been such a hard week for me. I totally know if my band wasn’t there I would of most probably eaten so so much out of comfort eating as it’s what my past self did.
My week here is still to continue and trying to still cope with grief is so hard and being on holiday it all just feels surreal but I’m thankful I have my band right now just hoping I don’t stress eat too much and learn from it!